just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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