I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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