are you still at the devil's house?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
