Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
