So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
