I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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