Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
