Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
