i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
