Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
