I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
