It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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