don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
