lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
