Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I look better un-naked...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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