Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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