Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
