Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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