Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Randomize
