I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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