ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
