So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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