Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
