i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
