I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
