if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
