the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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