I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
