I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
