if i can run in heels then i can drive
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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