Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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