Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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