i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
