Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
