I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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