Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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