You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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