She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
