Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
