the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
