i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
