If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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