First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
