even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
