So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
