i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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