FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
