Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
