she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
