How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Holy sore nipples Batman
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
