my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it penis luge time yet?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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