I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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